Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize