he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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