i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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