Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I want a musical about memes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
