The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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