did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
