I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
