i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
worst night to have a conscience
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
