Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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