the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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