well I can't set my house on fire every night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
