even my farts smell like vagina
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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