so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
