I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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