that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
