why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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