I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
