Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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