I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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