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So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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