he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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