No stitches, just platelets and will power
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
