I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
