ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
