he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
