I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
