I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
