Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
