Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
