Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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