the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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