so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
