The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
