well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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