it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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