so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
