We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize