Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
