I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
