So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
