i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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