You're so nebulous sometimes
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
