WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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