i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
