Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
