Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
