so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
