1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
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Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
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I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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