Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
