Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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