meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
