No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
