Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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