The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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