Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
