I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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