i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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