Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
