Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
