Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
