You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
