So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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