he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
