Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
