in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
