Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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