If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
