Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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