There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
