I'm so fucking centered right now
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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