at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
