Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
