someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
