The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
