nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
