I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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