So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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