i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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