Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
