if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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